Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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