What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Pappa wants mamma naked
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
