All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
