dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
how drunk are you?
Several
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
