I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
