Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
