my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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