Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We left the knife in your bed.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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