the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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