She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i would punch a child for taco bell
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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