I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
