I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize