Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
