I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
