summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There are leaves in my underwear?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
