As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
