covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
