i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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