3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
