I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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