Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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