Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
