Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
