Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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