I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
