I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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