it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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