you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
