I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
