@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
