i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
