did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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