so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
