The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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