watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Shame is for Republicans.
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