I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
