Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
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