By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
