I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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