Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
