I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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