So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
