Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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