I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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