yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
