I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize