Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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