It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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