That's intense
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
