Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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