This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
