Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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