Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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