I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
