Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
