Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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