right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
