I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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