I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize