Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
how do flat chested girls get laid?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
