so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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