i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
