I wanna passion pit in your ass
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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