We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize