can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Randomize
