I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
...so i touched it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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