How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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