remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
