sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize