I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
