I just threw up on my dentist
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize