So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
