imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
