I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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