I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
no, he came in my armpit
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
