I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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