I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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