Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
we're so committed to being not committed
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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