now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
