Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
