He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
