I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
