god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
this is an emotional support booty call
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
