it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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