I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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