Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I have demons in me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
