I hate all girls vehemently.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
