she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
