If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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