dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
