is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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