She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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