Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
