I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My vagina is officially offended.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
