HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
